Zeusbag
"Zeusbag" is the sixth episode of the third season of Dick Figures. Plot Red an Blue accept Zeus's challenge, hoping to become Greek Gods like Uranus, Nympos, and Phallus. Transcript Narrartor: In Ancient Times, Zeus was a real asshole and shit and crazy. CHECK THIS OUT! (Red and Blue pull a wagon full of weapons) Red: Man, Zeus is an asshole! I can be a way bigger asshole than HIM! Blue: I can't argue with that... (Lord Tourettes flies up to them as a messenger of Zeus) Lord Tourettes: Ha ha ha! I've got a TITTY-GRAM from Zeus! (hands Blue a scroll, giggles and flies away) Blue: (opens the scroll and reads it out loud) Hmm... let's see. (reads) Heard what you said. Stop. Think you can do my job. Stop. Complete these challanges and scale Mount Olympus and then now challange me. Stop. PS. I saw your mom naked. Stop. Last night while I was doing her. Stop. She told me not to stop. Full stop. Red: What a Zeusbag! Blue: Yeah, let's go fuck him up! (Dramatic music plays in the background as they walk towards Mount Olympus. They reach Mr. Dingleberry limping near a sign that reads " MOUNT OLYMPUS") Mr. Dingleberry: Hey, foolie-coolies! What's the haps on the craps? Red and Blue: YEAH! WE GONNA FUCK UP ZEUS! (at the same time) Blue: Take those lightning bolts and cram it up his ass! Who's the god now, bitch? Red: We gonna put soap in our socks and haze that motherfucker! (same time ends) Mr. Dingleberry: Okay, but beware-- Blue: Whatever. Red: Cool story, bro. Blue: See ya. (Both walk away from Mr. Dingleberry) Mr. Dingleberry: Ehhh, where am I? (Red and Blue walk up to a Roman colleseum. Blue sees a flock of birds above.) Blue: Heh heh. Birds. (They walk inside and see two swords sticking out of the ground) Blue: This must be the first challenge. (They hear someone laughing and see Raccoon dressed as a samurai and has a sword in his hand) Raccoon: Hunto! What do we do in life echoes an eternity? Red: Gluteus Maximus! Yeargh! (Red and Blue pull the swords from the ground and charge at Raccoon who engages them in a swordfight. Raccoon knocks Blue down and steals Red's sword. He has contractions.) Raccoon: (farts) Wait, wait! I have to shit. (Drops swords) Red: So, does that mean we win? Raccoon: Yeah, yeah, fine. (He waddles away.) Blue: Nice. (California Love plays in the background while Red and Blue walk up to a treasure box. The song abruptly ends.) Blue: What's this shit? (He kicks the treasure box open and lights come out of it.) Blue: Ooh! Treasure. (A blue box pops up with a text as Blue picks up the treasure. The text says: You got the 'Anti-Medusa Goggles'! Use these to protect against being turned into stone or a 'stoner'. Not to be confused with 'Day-Vision Goggles') Red: Pfft, we don't need this! (throws goggles away) Blue: Wa, wait, we might need that! Medusa: Ssa, sa sa sa Blue: Fuck! (Turns to and punches Red who is pretending to be made of stone) Ohh, (weakly) Aaahh... Medusa: Bewarrre, adventurrrer, I am Medusssa, look into my eye and you shall be turned into stonnnnnne-rs Red & Blue: NEVER! Get her! (Red floats in mid-air for a while, but both slowly fall onto the ground with red eyes) Argh, fuck it. (FOUR NINJA PIZZAS LATER) Red: Agh, by Gandalf's beard, we made it. Jesus. Zeus: (off-screen) Mortal fools! (On-screen): You have completed my challenges and scaled the mighty Mount Olympus. But to truly be a god, you must first win a game of Flip-Cauldron! THUNDER! (Lightning comes out of Zeus) Blue: Flip-Cauldron? Red: Go ahead Zeus, make my day-iety (A song, sung by Red, plays as Red and Blue face Zeus in Flip-Cauldron): Flippin' over cups, gettin' drunk on Mount Olympus. Wasted out my mind, think someone will have to drive us. Beer is tasting warm, but my shades are looking cool. And I wake up in the mo- (Everyone belches and lies on the ground) Zeus: (drunk) Ahaha, I think I just won! I totally just won. Red: (drunk) No way, we flipped your shit over! Blue: (drunk) You cheat, Dr Jones! (Collapses) Zeus: (drunk) I totally kicked your ass. Zeus is the man! (Same time) Red: Shhh shh shh. Noo, noo. No, you die today. Die! Get in there, you get in there. You do it. Do it! YOU DIE! You get out here! (Pushes Zeus into a volcano) Zeus: Hey, what are you doing? Stop it. You stop, I don't want to go in there! No, no, don't touch me, no, no, no AGH! (Same time ends) Red: Hahahaha, God is dead! (Blue punches Red and they both faint) (Episode Ends) (After Credits) Blue: You betrayed Sheeva! Argh, crocodiles! Recurring Gags Auto-Tuned Singing Red has the same tone at A Bee or Something when he said "that motherfucker" Red Floating Red was up in the air for a bit in front of Medusa before saying fuck it. Episode Ending The word "DICK FIGURES" appears with the "I"s replaced by goblets of alcohol tipped over. Blue says " YOU BETRADE SHEEBA, AHHHH CROCODOLIE" The Last Line Being Cut None Trivia *Lord Tourettes' appearance was a reference to Hermes in the Greek Mythology. *Near the end of the episode, Blue states, "You cheat Dr. Jones!", a reference to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, in which Indy's sidekick, Short Round, makes the same comment when playing poker with him. *Blue's line, "Heh, heh. Birds.", is a reference to Team Fortress 2. One of its trailers, Meet the Medic, features the Medic class making a similar statement about his pet doves and their antics. *When Blue opens the treasure chest, goggles appear on the format when introduced, is a refernce to the Legend of Zelda. *When Zeus dies it is a reference to God of War as Kratos says I killed a god in God of War and Red says I killed God. Ironically they both seem to share similarities as they both like having sex and being jerks and they carry weapons around as well. *Red's line, "GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!" is a name of the muscle found in the butt. *When Racoon said Hunto, he said the same thing in Butt Genie *Racoon's samurai outfit look simalir in Terminate-Her! but with a different sword. *The last info of the googles may reference to day-vision googles from Flame War Video thumb|300px|left Category:Episodes Category:Season 3